Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I discovered Spongebob when I was in middle school many years ago. It caught my attention from the very first episode, and I was an avid fan for a while. If you don’t know already, Spongebob works at the Krusty Krab where he makes Krabby Patties as a fry cook. A Krabby Patty looks like this. Every time they did a close up shot, my adolescent mind wanted to sink my teeth into one. Now I wonder if I was the only one that was hankering for a made-up burger…
I saw a recipe for a California roll burger, and my first thought was, this is what a Krabby Patty would taste like! Perhaps minus the beef, because where would they get it from? And maybe minus the crab sticks, because wouldn’t that be cannibalism? A Sweeny Todd scenario perhaps? Let’s stop questioning a fictional burger that has no definite flavor and substance, and get down to the nitty-gritty.
It starts with a beautiful set of hamburger buns.* Followed by a spread of Sriracha mayo, and a stack of the standard lettuce and tomato. The beef has just a dash of fish sauce for the umami factor and is topped with a light crab stick salad. It is then followed by a few slices of avocado tossed in lime juice and topped with masago (smelt roe) and nori (dried seaweed).
It’s bursting with flavor and is definitely a king of burgers, worthy of being flipped by Spat (Spongebob’s spatula).
The Krabby Patty (California Roll Burger)
Makes 8 large burgers
2 lbs. ground beef
1 tsp. fish sauce
1 tbsp. Sriracha
3 tbsp. mayo
½ lb. crab sticks
2-4 tbsp. mayo
2 avocados, sliced
1 lime, juiced
kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
butter lettuce, washed
masago (smelt roe)
nori (dried seaweed)
8 large burger buns
- Mix 1 tbsp. Sriracha and 3 tbsp. mayo in a small bowl to make Sriracha mayo.
- Shred crab sticks and mix in 2-4 tbsp. of mayo to make the crab salad.
- Mix ground beef, fish sauce, salt and pepper in a large bowl. Form into 8 large patties.
- In a large skillet over medium high heat, cook patties about 3 minutes per side or to desired doneness.
- While the patties are cooking, slice avocados and toss in lime juice.
- When the burgers are ready, layer the components in the following order: Sriracha mayo, lettuce, tomato, beef patty, crab salad, avocado, masago, and nori.
*I made mine from scratch, but you are welcome to use store bought. These buns deserve a post of their own, and will be featured in the future.
** Recipe adapted from use real butter.
Every single time I go to the mall, I have an inner battle with myself. Do I get a soft pretzel or not? I try not to have one because frankly it’s just a chunk of carbs and I always feel a little guilty after I eat it. I suppose the real question is: is it worth feeling guilty about?
I would say that the chance of me caving in is about 50/50. I have a good idea of what it is that I want (plain salted pretzel with lots of golden mustard) until I get to the window and see a glistening pretzel hot dog. How do they get it so shiny and golden? Why do you wink at me so in the fluorescent mall light? Why am I personifying you?
I sit there frazzled until it’s my turn and at this point, I blank out and whatever word comes out of my mouth first is what I get. Sometimes it’s the hot dog, sometimes it’s the pretzel. All I know is that either way I have buttery, carb-y goodness in my mouth. I win.
Sometimes, you don’t want to go to the mall. Sometimes, the drive isn’t worth it and the battle of the parking spot is tiring and stressful. This is for those days, a little reward without the battle.
Pretzel Hot Dogs
4 ½ to 5 c. all-purpose flour
1 ½ c. 110°F-115°F water
½ c. milk
2 tsp salt
1 tbsp active dry yeast
1 tbsp sugar
3 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted plus more for brushing
kosher sea salt/ pretzel salt/ Maldon salt
10 c. water
⅔ c. baking soda
16 Hot dogs
- In a microwave safe cup, warm 1½ c. water until 110°F-115°F or lukewarm. Stir in sugar until dissolved. Stir in dry yeast and let stand until foamy (about 5 minutes).
- While the yeast is proofing, mix 4½ c. flour, milk, salt, and the melted butter into a bowl of a stand mixer.
- Add the water mixture into the flour mixture and stir until a loose dough forms.
- Let stand for 8 minutes to hydrate flour.
- With the dough hook attachment, knead the dough on speed 2 for about 8 minutes. If you see that the dough is still loose and sticks to the bowl, add the remaining half cup of flour and knead until the dough does not stick to the bowl.
- Cover the bowl and let the dough rise until double its size.
- Once the dough has risen, preheat oven to 450˚F and line two sheet pans with either parchment paper or silicone mats.
- In a large pot, boil 10 c. of water and baking soda.
- Divide dough into 16 equal pieces, and form into a long rope. Carefully wrap each piece around a hot dog, pinch the ends together to seal the dough.
- Boil the pretzel hot dogs, one at a time about 15 seconds on each side. Remove from the water and drain thoroughly with a slotted spoon.
- Mix 1 egg with 1 tbsp. water to form an egg wash.
- Place onto the sheet pan and brush bread thoroughly with the egg wash and sprinkle with your choice of salt.
- Bake until golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Brush generously with melted butter.
- Let Cool. Eat with a lot of mustard.
Pretzel recipe adapted from Jo Cooks.